JSKnights of the Kitchen Table

Illustrated by Lane Smith

Time Warp #1

What would happen if three regular kids from Brooklyn got a mysterious blue Book with silver designs that could transport them anywhere in time or space? What if these three guys met up with King Arthur, the knights of the Round Table, Merlin the magician, one burping and gas-leaking giant, and a fire-breathing dragon? The Time Warp Trio series would happen.

JSThe Not-So-Jolly Roger

Illustrated by Lane Smith

Time Warp #2

Joe, Sam, and Fred accidentally warp back to the 1700s and run into Edward Teach (better known as Blackbeard the pirate). Mr. Teach lights fuses in his beard, drinks gunpowder mixed in his rum, shoots and stabs his own men, and sings very poorly. He also makes it very difficult for the Time Warp Trio to find the Book so they can warp safely back home.

JSThe Good, The Bad, and The Goofy

Illustrated by Lane Smith

Time Warp #3

Watching bad cowboy movies at Joe's house leads to dangerous warping into the Old West. The guys must survive a cattle stampede, angry Sioux Indian warriors, Custer's shooting bluecoats, and way too many plates of beans and bacon. Maybe the Trio will read the directions for time-warping in the Book. But probably not.

JSYour Mother Was a Neanderthal

Illustrated by Lane Smith

Time Warp #4

The good news about the Stone Age is that there are no homework assignments or tests. The bad news is that there are hungry saber-toothed tigers, rampaging wooly mammoths, a tribe of cavemen who love rotten meat, and a tribe of cave women who look like they are getting ready to sacrifice the Time Warp Trio. If this book costs $14.99 in hardcover, $4.99 in paperback, and there are 3 members in a trio, would you do your math homework if you were a wooly mammoth?


Illustrated by Lane Smith

Time Warp #5

How weird would it be to travel 100 years into the future and meet up with your own great granddaughters? Very weird, very expensive (pizza costs $150 a slice), and very dangerous (you try escaping a giant talking 3D roll of toilet paper). If the guys don't make it back to their time, there might not be any future time, or past time, or present time, or any time. It's enough to make a time warper toss their cookies, blow their lunch, and/or drive the porcelain bus.

JSTut, Tut

Illustrated by Lane Smith

Time Warp #6

If you had to do a class project on Ancient Egypt and you had a Book that could transport you anywhere in time and space and you had a kind of annoying younger sister who is always touching your stuff . . . TUT TUT could have happened to you. Joe, Sam, and Fred see the pyramids, meet up with King Tut when he was a boy, and get framed for stealing treasure by an evil priest named Hatsnat. Try to say that name without laughing.

JSSummer Reading Is Killing Me!

Illustrated by Lane Smith

Time Warp #7

Things go horribly terribly wrong when Fred sticks the guys' summer reading list inside a certain time-and-space-bending Book. You know things are bad when a 266 pound chicken is the least of your worries. Fred's mistake has mixed up characters from all kinds of books. And not in a good way. Dracula has Winnie-the-Pooh in a headlock. A cat in a hat and a kid with a hatchet look lost. The only way to stop the evil Teddybear from ruining every book forever is . . . to get The Book away from him.

JSIt's All Greek to Me

Illustrated by Lane Smith

Time Warp #8

If you thought The Book could only get the guys in trouble warping them to different times, you should check this out. Fred gets to use an aluminum foil covered thunderbolt in a class play about Greek gods and goddesses. So of course he throws it. And of course it hits The Book. And of course the trio gets warped into Greek mythology to fight a one-eyed giant, a three-headed dog, and a hundred-headed monster. You really have to wonder why they never read the instructions.

JSSee You Later, Gladiator

Illustrated by Adam McCauley

Time Warp #9

Read the title of this warp, and I bet you could write it. Fred gets the guys in trouble by wrestling around in Joe's room. Sam figures out a smart way to keep them from getting killed. One of Joe's lame magic tricks actually works out okay. Lots of fighting and wrestling and weapons like spears, swords, tridents, and nets. Thumbs up, you live. Thumbs down, you die. That's why they call it "Sudden Death." Good luck.

JSSam Samurai

Illustrated by Adam McCauley

Time Warp #10

Haiku poetry gets the guys warped to 1600 Japan. And haiku poetry is the only way they can warp home. . . after they find The Book, battle samurai warriors with razor sharp swords, try to fix the Auto-Translator, run into their time-warping great-granddaughters, and deal with a very nasty warrior with the unfortunate name of Owattabutt.

      Oh, Sam Samurai.

      Time Warp trio adventure,

      With lots of noodles.

JSHey Kid, Want to Buy a Bridge?

Illustrated by Adam McCauley

Time Warp #11

Did you know that in 1877, when the Brooklyn Bridge was just being built, Thomas Edison had a workshop in New Jersey where he was working on his inventions like the light bulbs and the record player? And did you know that Joe messing around with The Book and Sam's invention in 21st century Brooklyn almost fried Edison's brain and wrecked the Brooklyn Bridge? No? Then this is the book for you.

JSViking It and Liking It

Illustrated by Adam McCauley

Time Warp #12

They say Leif Eriksson discovered North America years before Columbus did. They say not all Vikings were blood-thirsty raiders wearing animal skins and horned helmets. They say it's not possible to travel through time. Well They should talk to Joe and Sam and Fred. Because they did travel through time, and they did meet up with Leif Eriksson and his real, live blood-thirsty Vikings. And it wasn't pretty.

JSMe Oh Maya

Illustrated by Adam McCauley

Time Warp #13

You know how it goes--one minute you are playing H-O-R-S-E on a basketball court in Brooklyn, the next minute you are standing 1,0000 years ago in the middle of a Mayan ritual ringball game . . . where the losers get their heads cut off. It happens every day, if you happen to own The Book. It's all up to the Time Warp Trio to foil the plans of a sneaky priest and make the big shot to save the day . . . and their heads.

JSDa Wild, Da Crazy, Da Vinci

Illustrated by Adam McCauley

Time Warp #14

Leonardo DaVinci was not only a painter and a sculptor. He also invented an early version of a mechanical tank, a helicopter, and a submarine. So of course the Time Warp trio would want to visit him. They just didn't know that DaVinci also wrote backwards and had some unpleasant friends like Lord Borgia. Joe uses some of his best tricks to keep the guys alive in 1500 Italy.

JSOh Say, I Can't See

Illustrated by Adam McCauley

Time Warp #15

Have you ever seen that famous painting of George Washington crossing the Delaware? Well if it was completely historically accurate, it would show Joe and Fred and Samantha in the boat too. Really? Were they in danger? And how did they get there? Yes. Yes. And Samantha's cat leaked on The Book. Lots of action, and instructions on how to turn George Washington's head on the dollar bill into a mushroom. Now that's history.

JSMarco? Polo!

Illustrated by Adam McCauley

Time Warp #16

Did you ever wonder what might happen if Joe took The Book to the local YMCA pool while he and Fred and Sam played Marco Polo? Well, you don't have to wonder. Because it happened. And what happened was: sandstorms, a smelly camel, a mad Chinese astrologer, madder attack leopards, one very famous explorer, and Joe in the middle of the desert wearing nothing but his red bathing suit. Bonus Chinese Zodiac horoscopes at the end.